I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
