Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
