Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
