Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
