i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
