Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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