we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
