I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
