Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
