I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
