hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
