grandma shit on top of the toilet
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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