My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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