trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
