The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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