You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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