so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So many bounce houses so little time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
