You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
