so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
