I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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