i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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