I didn't shave. On purpose
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
