I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
