when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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