oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
