i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm having to shit out rocks
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
