I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
