I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
