Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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