We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
