i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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