life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
