She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
