do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
