I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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