I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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