Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
