jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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