i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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