this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
