Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
