So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
