Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
