If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
