I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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