Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
