Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
