yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A bitchslap is in order.
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