did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
