I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
