Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
