Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
