So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
