i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
